After Dinner Teasers

A Quick Taster

Here are a few opening lines for the stories people like me to tell:

The body store

If you're going to be a medic or a dentist, you've got get used to death. Now, we were all being shown round the body store on the first day we were there. And the technician opened the first drawer and.......

Sex lectures

One of the first things in dealing with live people you've got to get used to is the business of sex, and that was one of the things a very early lecture we had was on: sex. We were all in the medical school in the lecture theatre and the lecturer said, "As a professional person, you've got to be extremely good at sexual preferences...."

Working with your hands

When you're doing dentistry, you have to learn to do precision things. You have to make things in like crowns and bridges because you have to be able to make them yourself before you can, you know, get the technician to make them.

And we were in the laboratory learning how to make crowns and bridges and we got bored at lunchtime..........

Dangerous equipment

One of the things we had to do was cast up crowns. So, you have to melt up gold until it's liquid and you have to use a centrifugal casting machine to fling the gold down into the mould. And this is one of the things you need to watch out when you're a medical or dentist student; often some of the things you have to do are quite dangerous. And this was a very dangerous thing, actually; if you over-wound .......

Violence

I've got to bring up the violence thing because now and again, if you're going to become a doctor or dentist, you have to expect some violence from the general public and I've been hit twice in my career......

Condom dispenser

In those days, GPs used to give out condoms rather than expect people to go and buy them and this married woman came in to see me and I said to her, "What sort of condoms do you want?...........

What is public health?

A woman came into his office one day and she put her hat on his desk, and she said, "What are you going to do about that?" And he said that there was an unmistakable smell of urine from this and he said .....

Forensics

All doctors have to get used to forensic medicine. We were taken down into the autopsy room and the boss was going to show us an autopsy. And you know you see those tables on CSI and things with the old sheet on them? And he pulled back the sheet and all that was on there was .....



If you would like me to expand on these & include them in my after dinner speach - please indicate this on the enquiry form.